Secret Love story

How to have a secret relationship...

Secret relationships" can be packed with excitement, anticipation and intrigue, as keeping your romantic relationship with someone under wraps can often create highly passionate moments between the two of you. Having this kind of illicit secret with someone can often make the relationship seem even more exhilarating and tempting, since you're the only two people in the world who know what's really happening between you. Much like Chandler and Monica on "Friends," there can be something quite thrilling about sneaking around and sharing a connection with someone that's unknown to those around you.

While some secret relationships can actually work in the long run, it's typically because the secret finally comes out in the open. They tend to work out only if they stop beingsecret relationships in the not-so-distant future. It's imperative to fully understand several truths about secret relationships before you enter this kind of forbidden and hidden love affair.

1. You Can Turn Into a Dishonest Person

If you're going to enter a secret romantic relationship with someone, it's important to keep in mind how it may affect your relationship with those around you. For example, you may find yourself lying to your friends, family, and coworkers about where you are, who you're with, where you're going, and what you're doing. Keeping track of the web of lies that you're creating as you keep your relationship a secret can often end up coming back to bite you.

If your relationship does one day come out in the open, those around you may feel hurt and betrayed that you weren't entirely honest with them. And while it may be thrilling to be engaging in activities that only you and your partner know about, having to cover your tracks can send you down a dishonest path that can be hard to reverse.

2. They Will Hurt More Than Just You

Aside from lying and deliberately deceiving those around you, there are often far more sinister reasons why secret relationships are in fact meant to be kept "secret" in the first place. You may be causing irreparable damage to many different aspects of your life in the process.

For example, you or your partner may be involved with someone else or are in fact married and cheating on your spouse. Or perhaps the two of you work together and a relationship would mean that one or both of you could lose your jobs. There's also the possibility that one or both of you are in a situation where those around you wouldn't approve of this kind of illicit relationship.

Not only does a secret relationship often hurt others, particularly the people you care about, it can also end up hurting you on various levels. It can take a toll on your self-esteem, and you may start feeling inadequate, sad, or like a bad person because of the secret nature of your relationship.

3. Sustainable? Yah Right

If you're thinking about entering a secret relationship, it's important to understand that things often don't end up staying secret for long. If you're looking to have your secret relationship actually work in the long-term, it's better if you deliberately bring out the truth in the short-term. If you truly want your relationship to survive, you need to enter the relationship with the full intention that it'll one day be out in the open — sooner rather than later.

Entering a secret relationship should give you some pause just by the very nature that it's meant to be a secret, and this can help to clue you in that this isn't the best idea for you, your partner, and the people you care about. However, if your goal is to make the relationship work, the veil of secrecy has to be something that both you and your partner want to remove at some juncture.

While it's your decision if you'd like to be in a secret relationship with someone, it's no secret that you should fully understand the potential consequences beforehand.

The Dangerous Charm Of Secret Love

“And for the lovers, their despairing love can be a crime… but never a sin.”

Secret love

If a relationship must remain secret, generally it is because there is a very powerful reason behind it. Most of the time, what lies behind this is a third party with whom there is a romantic commitment. Usually secret love is one where there are at least three parties involved. Sometimes four. Sometimes more.

A previous commitment is not the only reason why love may become secret. Sometimes the situation is ruled by convenience, as happens with celebrities who have to keep their relationships a secret so they do not lose followers. Sometimes there are other kinds of pressures, familial, work, or social, that force a relationship to remain a secret.

In any case, this type of love is secret because it is forbidden in some way. And it is precisely this element of prohibition that adds a special seasoning to those feelings. The relationship cannot develop in a “normal” way. It is necessary to start a sort of “parallel life” to keep that love going.

The charm of the forbidden

All prohibitions are, at the same time, an invitation. This is so because in the human mind, prohibition activates desire. Don’t you feel more interested in a movie if they tell you that it was censored in several countries? Don’t you look at that door that says “DO NOT ENTER” with greater interest? Don’t you long to be one of the people who can go through it?

The forbidden exercises a natural charm because it allows us to see, up close, something that we are lacking. So it is precisely this lack that gives rise to desire. For this reason, prohibition and desire are two sides of the same coin.

When we are talking about love, things get even more exciting. Prohibition turns into fuel for the flame, even if it is very small at first. Obstacles transform into stimuli and risks end up being seen as enticing challenges. The very risk of the relationship makes you fall in love. But be careful: playing with fire so much, we may end up being consumed by it.

The danger of secret love

The first danger of a secret love is obviously that it might be discovered. We can assume that if it is secret, it is because the consequences of revealing it may end up being very serious. There is nothing secret that will not be revealed, and there are very few cases where the truth remains a secret for a long time.

Of course, many lovers also experience these revelations with a certain excitement. They betray the commitment that they have with their partner, but they also unconsciously want “to be caught” in the act. This is part of a confusing game to test limits with the official partner or to undermine them and balance the scales that all relationships have to some extent or another.

The second great risk is that you are literally playing with your own feelings and those of others. The true and only reason for the relationship may lie within the charm of the risk. It is not love that brings you together, but the intention to challenge the forbidden. The bad thing is that within this “game,” almost always, all of the parties involved come out hurt to some degree.

Finally, the risk of secret love is that when the time comes, they neither allow us to grow nor do they make our lives better. They end up being chapters where we behave like children who do not want to obey. But when everything is out in the open, what remains is simply having tasted the charm of the forbidden…and the time we wasted on that fleeting pleasure.

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